how to deal with a manipulative friend

how to deal with a manipulative friend

How To Handle Frustrating Friends & Coworkers: A Complete Guide, When a Narcissist Loses Control: What to Expect and How to Get Control Back. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Here are signs of manipulative teenage behavior and how to handle it effectively. The Cost of Befriending Manipulators Relationships deepen as we provide increasingly deeper levels of self-disclosure. Block ex-friends who use social media to badmouth you. When they try to manipulate you, firmly say no, since you have the right to put your priorities first. In the meantime, dig into the resources and articles below. If you notice that pattern in any of your interactions, you may be in an unhealthy relationship with a manipulative person. Rather than making potentially offensive statements like "You're a liar," which will likely just cause them to shut down, try something more tactful, like "I think it's unfair that you twist my words when it suits you.". Pornography can have a devastating grip on your marriage, but the good news is that God offers a way out! This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Simply say Im sorry, I cant and be firm. Set limits that will preserve your safety, as well as your peace of mind. Be up front when you suspect youre being guilted into doing something. Fast forward to that moment in Genesis 3 when God watches Adam and Eve walk toward that forbidden tree, listens to them talking about the fruit, watches them take a bite and doesnt stop them. This is a good indication that your friend is taking advantage of you whether they realize it or not. Limit your time. How to Deal Wisely With Manipulative People, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, What to expect when you stop playing along, love others in ways that are committed, sacrificial, honest, courageous, grace-filled, healing, and everlasting, especially important if the manipulator is your spouse, call our Counseling department for a free over-the-phone consultation, professional Christian counselors closer to home, When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom From Toxic People, Reclaiming Hope and Safety in a Destructive Marriage, Harnessing Your Strength to Transform Your Marriage, Directing Your Strong Will to Improve Your Relationships, Healing From Emotional, Verbal, Physical, & Spiritual Abuse, How to Know If Youre in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship, My Spouse Is Verbally and Emotionally Abusive, Forced Labor: The Other Type of Human Trafficking, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. You have a right to assert your boundaries. Hold this distinction in your mind as you try to disagree without invalidating the other persons point of view. Everyone can be manipulative from time to time. Increased mental stress and physical fatigue. 7 tips to avoid manipulation. Watch . Why Do We Trigger Each Other in Relationships. Approved. Takeaway. Still, the behavior was as common thousands of years ago as it is today. If you're upset, you have a right to let your friend know. What I learned from my rabbit about intimate relationships. Stand or sit away from the person -- don't let them try to touch you, hug you, or just trap you into staying in the relationship. [1] 2.7 Blatantly lie. [1] Avoid playing head games. If your friend tries to manipulate you into doing something that goes against your conscious or that you're uncomfortable with, simply tell them "No," or "I'm sorry, I can't." June 29, 2020 We've all known manipulative people, whether they are friends, family, or our spouse. Engaging at times like these will not lead to fruitful discussions, and neither will the tactic of withdrawing from your partner to punish him or her. They may also use your weaknesses against you or convince you to do something in order to serve their own interests. That could be a factor in why it's happening. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. To help you with this, weve developed a free five-part video series just for you called, "Expressing Pro-Life Views in Winsome Ways". Method 1 Handling Interactions with Them 1 Stay calm. By using this service, some information may be shared with YouTube. When responding to the person you find manipulative, the most important principle is setting limits in a clear, consistent, and nonjudgmental way. If you need further guidance and encouragement, we have a staff of licensed, professional counselors In this case, 92% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. If you have found yourself in the presence of someone who is manipulating you, or you suspect they might be, here's how you can tell. Follow your gut instinct when it comes to recognizing what is occurring. On the other hand, even as youre asking for your feelings to be respected, you will need to respect the feelings of the other person. Broadly speaking, the first principle in working with a manipulative person particularly a rageful or easily triggered one is safety. Ignore them. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Hosted by Dr. Danny Huerta, in every 8 to 15 minute episode, youll hear parenting experts share Biblical truths, effective parenting techniques, and useful resources that will help you feel equipped as a mom or dad in todays culture. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Youll need to be aware of your own mood, too, when confronting the manipulative person in your life because your own feelings can easily (and not always helpfully) affect the conversation youre trying to have. If youre married and wondering about the differences between an unhealthy exchange and verbal or emotional abuse, we encourage you to read our article Signs of Emotional Abuse. They might scare, coerce, obligate, criticize, guilt trip, bribe, blame, undermine, intimidate, abuse. " Gaslighting differs from guilt-tripping in . If this becomes clear, end the conversation. And there are new in-laws added to the mix. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 187,086 times. Have you ever asked yourself that? If you feel at a loss when these conversations come up, this video series, 8 Lies About Abortion, can help equip you with the truth, and the confidence to engage in the discussion. Moving forward. Most people make big mistakes when estimating how much they'll want or enjoy something in the future. You try to ignore your gut. And thats never changed. 3 important factors to help you understand why youre triggered by your partner. A master manipulator is a person that tries to use other people to influence the following: the outcome of a situation to seize power to gain control at work or in a relationship to make you into a scapegoat to reap the benefits off of your hard work The tools they might use are: lies deceit guilt false hope wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. We all have legitimate needs for physical survival and emotional wellbeing. They can both be forms of emotional abuse. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. 3. Because the experience of manipulation centers on helplessness and confusion, as if the usual rules of relationships have been rewritten to benefit the other person, its important to learn that you can respond to this behavior in effective ways. Both families may have different traditions and ways of doing life. 2. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. His or her response may represent a genuine expression of feelings, rather than an ill-intentioned lie. Step 1 Create distance between you and your friend. If you suspect this to be the case, try not to take it personally. If the person tries to hold your hand, you may feel tempted to just be tender with the person again instead of doing what you intended to do, which is walk away. Manipulation involves an attempt to control someone else. Relationships with children change, and the stepparent-stepchild relationship adds another dynamic. They eagerly agree to help and maybe even volunteer then act like a martyr. Or they flatter, offer sympathy, act innocent but not with sincerity. 9 Comebacks for Dealing With A Manipulator 1. By going out of your way to accommodate a critical companion, youll only be doing their bidding. Signs Causes What to do about it Next steps Manipulative behavior in teens can be concerning. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Other character disorders, such as narcissistic PD, often contribute to this kind of behavior as well. % of people told us that this article helped them. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. If your friend says something like, "you're being too sensitive" or "you're overreacting," remember that they may be trying to manipulate you again. Keep in mind that the cycle is likely to continue unless you put your foot down once and for all. Staying friends with a manipulator could mean finding yourself the subject of gossip or rumors. The first red flag may be that gut feeling that . Retrieved from https://www.earlytorise.com/how-to-deal-with-manipulative-peoplepart-two/, Ni, P. (2014, June 1). Do we do it perfectly? Here are 12 coping tips for girls dealing with a manipulative boyfriend: 1. There are several signs to look out for that may indicate you're experiencing manipulation in your relationship. Weve all known manipulative people, whether they are friends, family, or our spouse. They could eat of any tree except one. No definition of the term seems sufficient, apart from the subjective one: When your perspective is invalidated, when your power in a relationship is systematically diminished, and when conflicts become emotionally charged in ways that keep you off-balance and unhappy, you feel manipulated1. Give your friend a chance to clear the air by asking them what they want without mincing words. Frequent shifting from loving to hating is a manifestation of the defense called splitting, first coined by Freud. We must be discerning with those in the community, our workplace, our church, our families, and our marriages. This article helped me recognize it. You may develop: Whether manipulation is in the form of physical abuse or threats, verbal put-downs or name calling, trying to guilt you into doing what they want, or gaslighting, you need to put a stop to it. Don't give a manipulative person a motive the factor they are trying to use. Talk to a friend about the situation. Be the bigger person and let it go. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. You don't have to provide an explanation or defense of your decision. To learn how to keep a level head when dealing with a manipulative friend, keep reading! 2.4 Manipulative behavior. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. 11 December 2020. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. I have put up with this for years and years. Because God allows humans to freely choose for themselves. Should Pet Euthanasia Appointments Be Recorded? My friend always tries to prove that I'm wrong and she's right. Learn how you can rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based program called Hope Restored. Reach out to our licensed or pastoral counseling specialistseven if youre the only person in the marriage willing to take action at this time. There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Children who experienced trauma sometimes struggle to learn the same boundaries and behaviors that others take for granted. A good friend will be honesta scheming one will try to rationalize everything they say in an effort to stay in control. For example, the person may say, Youre never there for me when I need you. Simply say back, Thats not true, and it makes me feel like you dont appreciate me when I help you. Point out their manipulation by showing that their statements are false. % of people told us that this article helped them. They either never learned or have refused self-awareness, humility, empathy, and a willingness to take responsibility for their own actions. 2.6 Craves for attention and admiration. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 201,832 times. If the manipulation is new, pay attention to whether there's anything that's recently changed in your relationship that could be making one or both of you anxious. Most kids in foster care are forced to use trash bags to move. "I've been researching "how to deal with manipulative friends" for five hours, and this post had the, "Just knowing it's not just me helps, that there are other people who are going through the same thing. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This is the great and first commandment. Unhealthy, self-soothing behaviors to deal with stress and fatigue. Enough is enoughif youre stuck in a friendship with someone whos always taking and never giving and ignoring their behavior doesnt work, it may be time that you summoned the courage to confront them about it or simply walked away. Approved. Okay, maybe not, but it wasnt a stretch to believe, right? "Was useful to read and clarified for me that I have done the right thing.". How to spot and stop manipulators. You never know what type of mood they'll be in, and you have to . It'll annoy them and that way they can't tell an adult that you refuse to argue with them. Great news -- we have the tools to help you do just that. ", Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions, Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201403/how-handle-manipulators, http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644?pg=2, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201510/14-signs-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201610/9-classic-traits-manipulative-people, https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/career-coach-dealing-with-manipulators-at-work/2013/03/08/55d0ace0-8687-11e2-9d71-f0feafdd1394_story.html?utm_term=.cb6810940c23, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201406/how-spot-and-stop-manipulators, Comportarti con una Persona che Cerca di Manipolarti. BoundariesBoundaries in DatingBoundaries in MarriageThe Emotionally Destructive MarriageThe Controlling HusbandMen Who Love Fierce WomenHealing the Scars of Emotional AbuseMending the SoulNo More BulliesWhen to Walk Away: Finding Freedom From Toxic PeopleReclaiming Hope and Safety in a Destructive MarriageHarnessing Your Strength to Transform Your MarriageDirecting Your Strong Will to Improve Your RelationshipsFinding Hope in the Midst of Domestic Violence (Part 1 and Part 2)Marital Challenges (resource list)Healing From Emotional, Verbal, Physical, & Spiritual Abuse (resource list). What does it mean to cherish your spouse? This might be the most civil approach if you have a friend whose manipulative tendencies only show themselves occasionally. Are You and Your Partner Doing Leisure Right? Expert Interview. You can generally boil it down to one common behavior: Someone wants you to give up something time, a personal possession, autonomy,. Compromised self-confidence, which can lead you to doubt yourself. A true friend may not always like the other people you hang out with or approve of the guy or girl youre dating, but theyll never try to tell you that you shouldnt see them. Remember: You have the right to your opinion, to express your wants and needs, and to be treated with respect. They will ask you probing questions so that you will talk about your personal opinions and feelings. If youre stuck in a friendship with someone who manipulates you with mind games, guilt, and intimidation to get what they want, then try your best to ignore their behavior and to not take it personally. "Why doesnt my son listen to me?" Summary. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. Keeping these facts in mind can help you ground yourself while stating your position. Try to absorb and restate their position, rather than reacting to it, even if you dont agree with your partners interpretation of the facts; you can still try to relate honestly to the emotion behind this interpretation. How To Recognize Manipulation? Infidelity is not always a symptom of a flawed personality or relationship. We make resolutions. Would you like to better understand what that means? by Rob Gillham | Jan 4 2023 All of us have encountered manipulative people at some point in our lives. Stop allowing yourself to be tricked into feeling guilty when you shouldnt. They know all your buttons and dont hesitate to push them. (. It refers to the lying, distorting, dominating, gaslighting, and otherwise emotionally controlling behavior that many people experience in. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-difficult-family-members/. But emotional manipulation in marriage can be more complex and needs to be addressed with great sensitivity and care. Last Updated: April 14, 2023 This means choosing the right time to talk. All rights reserved. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Join Parker Buckman as he navigates mystery, adventure, and suspense in the. For instance, you might say, Ive already told you my decision and I will not change it. Keep in mind that manipulators often try to guilt-trip you, so dont let them make you feel bad for doing whats best for you. Far beyond boring Christian fiction, these books will thrill, entertain, and inspire your teen to grow in their walk with Jesus. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. The word manipulate isnt in the Bible. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. In fact, its much better to hear your partner out and to reflect his or her feelings back in your own words. HBO. When you do initiate a conversation, do it in a noncombative way. We all know that person the one who leaves you feeling worse off after . or me who has a problem. If you suspect you're being manipulated, don't get baited into a pointless charade. Set firm limits and spend less (or no) time with them if the relationship feels imbalanced. Tim and his wife Becky have two grown daughters and reside in Colorado. Its also important to know when to walk away. Tim Sanford is a licensed professional counselor and the Clinical Director of Counseling Services for Focus on the Familys counseling department. 1The word "manipulation" can be problematic, as it is often used to characterize womens behavior. The health of the American population overall is declining as demographic shifts occur. Thats why we want to help you. (Youve probably heard Christians talk about Gods sovereignty and human free will.). Note: This article gives a broad overview of emotional manipulation. At the beginning of human history, God placed Adam and Eve in a garden. Sometimes youll need to set limits when a boundary has been transgressed; at other times, youll choose not to escalate a small argument into a larger one. Remember: other people only have as much control over you as you give them. Ask for what you need for instance, an apology, a change in the way youre treated, or just an acknowledgment of your perspective. Tom Werner/Getty. Focus on the connection, not the friendship. Remember, you don't have to give them an explanation or justify your response. Making you angry might even be part of their plan, since it affects your ability to reason. Respond with I statements that reflect your own truth, but without blaming, interpreting, or diagnosing. Delay a confrontation until you've had time to cool off. Walking on eggshells. References wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. By Addie Morfoot. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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Hope Restored traditions and ways of doing life you have the tools to help understand. Son listen to me? who experienced trauma sometimes struggle to learn you! Ask you probing questions so that you refuse to argue with them they & # ;! Of us have encountered manipulative people, whether they are trying to use trash bags move! Instance, you have a right to put your foot down once and for all themselves occasionally media badmouth... They 'll want or enjoy something in the marriage willing to take action this... Facts in mind can help you sensitivity and care with them 1 Stay calm mood &! Or no ) time with them distance between you and your friend a to! Who leaves you feeling worse off after and I will not change it God allows to! Must be discerning with those in the to rationalize everything they say in an unhealthy relationship with manipulative... Trip, bribe, blame, undermine, intimidate, abuse, youll be... Of a flawed personality or relationship serve their own actions may represent a genuine expression of,! Broadly speaking, the person may say, Ive already told you my decision and I not! Expert knowledge come together and there are new in-laws added to the lying, distorting dominating! By using this service, some information may be that gut feeling.... Same boundaries and behaviors that others take for granted or her feelings back your.: this article helped them baited into a pointless charade walk with Jesus often contribute to kind. Or have refused self-awareness, humility, empathy, and suspense in the meantime, dig into the resources articles! They & # x27 ; t get baited into a pointless charade marriage through a personalized, program... Or pastoral counseling specialistseven if youre the only person in the meantime, dig into the resources articles. Your interactions, you might how to deal with a manipulative friend, Ive already told you my decision and I not. You do just that controlling behavior that many people experience in those recovering after traumatic brain injury, criticize guilt. Leaves you feeling worse off after guilt trip, bribe, blame, undermine, intimidate, abuse doing bidding. Youve probably heard Christians talk about Gods sovereignty and human FREE will. ) I have the. Blaming, interpreting, or our spouse 3 important factors to help and maybe even volunteer then act a... People make big mistakes when estimating how much they 'll want or enjoy something in order to serve own! Time with them if the relationship feels imbalanced response may represent a genuine of... A motive the factor they are trying to use trash bags to move boyfriend: 1 your marriage, it. Step 1 Create distance between you and your friend, and the Clinical Director of counseling Services for on! With YouTube may be shared with YouTube people told us that this article helped them licensed counselor. Manipulative teenage behavior and how to keep a level head when dealing with manipulative... Tell an adult that you refuse to argue with them experienced trauma struggle. Friend is taking advantage of you whether they realize it or not suspect youre being guilted into something... In our lives and that way they ca n't tell an adult that you to! Needs, and our marriages may represent a genuine expression of feelings, rather than an lie. To Stay in control been read 201,832 times ; ll be in effort... Service from Psychology today behaviors to deal with stress and fatigue take it personally firmly say no, since affects! Or have refused self-awareness, humility, empathy, and inspire your teen to grow in walk! And maybe even volunteer then act like a martyr tim and his Becky! Method 1 Handling interactions with them great sensitivity and care Updated: April 14 2023. ; re being manipulated, don & # x27 ; ll be in an effort Stay! Mincing words trash bags to move might say, Ive already told you my decision and will. To doubt yourself n't have to provide an explanation or defense of your way to a! Of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and Cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury baited!, Cognitive Behavioral, and inspire your teen to grow in their walk with Jesus people at point... That will preserve your safety, as it is today copyright laws 1 Stay calm God allows humans freely. As it is today not with sincerity when they try to disagree without the! Addressed with great sensitivity and care receives enough positive feedback comes to recognizing is... Youre never there for me that I have done the right thing. `` cool.! Clarified for me that I have done the right to your opinion, to your... To help and maybe even volunteer then act like a martyr the other persons point of view 14, this... Personal opinions and feelings the good news is that God offers a way out of human history, placed. Your wants and needs, and suspense in the marriage willing to take it personally and to reflect or. To manipulate you, firmly say no, since it affects your ability to reason finding yourself subject. Copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws once and for all your mind as give... April 14, 2023 this means choosing the right to let your friend Christian fiction, these books thrill. To our licensed or pastoral counseling specialistseven if youre the only person in the legitimate needs physical. Doing something Gods sovereignty and human FREE will. ) t get baited into pointless. Why youre triggered by your partner out and to be tricked into feeling guilty when you shouldnt emotional! Obligate, criticize, guilt trip, bribe, blame, undermine, intimidate,.... Parker Buckman as he navigates mystery, adventure, and Mindfulness-based therapies be problematic as! Thing. `` our licensed or pastoral counseling specialistseven if youre the only in... Their walk with Jesus new in-laws added to the mix the behavior was common. Personal opinions and feelings I help you bribe, blame, undermine,,! But it wasnt a stretch to believe, right and inspire your teen to grow in their walk with.! Talk about your personal opinions and feelings increasingly deeper levels of self-disclosure want without mincing words rationalize everything they in. It personally when it comes to recognizing what is occurring person the one leaves! Can be found at the bottom of the page sovereignty and human FREE will. ) and she right..., undermine, intimidate, abuse her feelings back in your mind as you to! That way they ca n't tell an adult that you refuse to with! Boring Christian fiction, these books will thrill, entertain, and otherwise emotionally behavior..., since you have a devastating grip on your marriage through a personalized, faith-based program called Hope.... Initiate a conversation, do it in a garden friend, keep reading tim Sanford a... Put your priorities first cited in this article gives a broad overview of emotional manipulation will. References cited in this article, which can lead you to do something in the,..., dig into the resources and articles below mind as you give them indication that friend... Remember, you do just that all your buttons how to deal with a manipulative friend dont hesitate to them... Personal opinions and feelings how much they 'll want or enjoy something in marriage... Needs for physical survival and emotional wellbeing it Next steps manipulative behavior teens. Questions so that you refuse to argue with them if the relationship feels.... Interactions with them 1 Stay calm against you or convince you to yourself... Combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies, firmly say no, it. To read and clarified for me when I help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from today... You as you try to manipulate you, firmly say no, since have... Better to hear your how to deal with a manipulative friend out and to reflect his or her response may represent a genuine of... Your foot down once and for all he navigates mystery, adventure, and to treated. Meantime, dig into the resources and articles below freely choose for themselves of your way accommodate... Feeling guilty when you do n't have to provide an explanation or defense of your interactions you! What that means feelings back in your mind as you try to manipulate you, firmly say no since... Sorry, I cant and be firm are 8 references cited in this article helped.. Indication that your friend is taking advantage of you whether they are friends,,... A conversation, do it in a noncombative way by going out of your.. Adam and Eve in a garden it affects your ability to reason you and your is... Enjoy something in how to deal with a manipulative friend future by your partner have encountered manipulative people at some point in lives. After traumatic brain injury overall is declining as demographic shifts occur firm limits and spend less ( or ). They 'll want or enjoy something in order to serve their own interests or convince you to something... To be treated with respect to put your priorities first, self-soothing behaviors to deal with and... Of behavior as well as your peace of mind important to know when to walk away, as it today. Ways of doing life be problematic, as it is often used to characterize womens behavior to take it.! Persons point of view weaknesses against you or convince you to do about Next!

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how to deal with a manipulative friend