my girlfriend has no life outside of me

my girlfriend has no life outside of me

My girlfriend has hobbies and friends and she always invites me to hang out with them, but I don't have people that I spend time with like that. A relationship has to satisfy both people. Its crucial for her to get her own life bc if u broke up with her shed be lost. In a neutral, non-judgmental fashion? But, if you'd be happier with a partner who shares your love of going out and doing things, or if you want a partner who's more active, then this might be an indication that there's some incompatibility in this relationship. I love her, I like to spend time with her, I could see us having a future together. Hmm that is a good point. He works outside, so he is really tired when he gets home and just wants to veg out. If hes adamant that he has no one else to hang out with, then this may be a sign that he needs to develop his own social circle. He might even think that this decision is completely out of the blue and come at you with accusations about how he cant believe you dont want to spend time with him anymore or make an effort to make things work between the two of you when all he wants is your companionship. Im a homebody and an introvert. I feel like a lot of these commenters where kinda going overboard analyzing the post and I was starting to feel terrible. This allows both people in the couple to become their own person without feeling smothered or clingy towards the other person. Keep yourself open to this! From your perspective, it might be frustrating because he doesnt seem interested in anything else but spending time with you. Thank you. Give her time to find the right hobby for her or the right group of friends if that is even something she feels that she wants and/or needs. Ok but he clearly said she doesnt even have any hobbies or interests. I am also just like your girlfriend. If I get lonely or start to get unhappy I will say something to my SO. If he has any plans I totally let him go out and enjoy himself. I do feel like in this case OP is definitely trying to make an issue out of his girlfriend being a homebody or not having many friends / activities to enjoy. Encourage her to take baby steps to get her own lifea hobby, school (even take one class for fun at a junior college), an instrument, anything. Ah, no not at all. Honestly, my boyfriend is sort of like this. Thank you for seeing where I'm coming from! You will have to make an informed decision, so I have a list of things you can do to deal with this situation. You Are "Everything" To Your Partner Being someone's "everything" may seem romantic. You need to get out of the house. He Doesnt Have Any Friends Or Social Life. She is too lazy to work on her skills. Hence, she keeps referring to her ex in the hope that you are taking notes. Privacy Policy. it's not a problem for me at all. She doesn't begrudge me going to do my own thing or to hang out without her. I have roughly 20 hobbies, of varying levels of interest and involvement. tl;dr: Despite bringing up the issue a couple months ago, girlfriend is becoming very emotionally dependent on me. In situations like this,the lonely person often forgets boundaries and becomes excessively clingy. I have a difficult time connecting with others, I feel incredibly grateful that I have such an amazing connection with my partner. My close friends have become her friends too. My boyfriend and I are like this. Are you in a relationship where your partner seems to have no life outside of you? Her stress and anxiety will not let her live a healthy life. I hope it doesn't sound like I am complaining about spending time with her because I am not. Your gf doesnt need to be a social butterfly but I think its problematic if her social life and all of her interests revolves around yours. You dont deserve that. My girlfriend won't allow me to have a life outside of her. She bails on you more frequently than she actually shows up. I love my alone time and I limited the time I spend with friends because I have to be social at my work. She wants to get out there and look for a better job, but her comfort in her current lifestyle stops her from doing so. Anyway, me (F, 19) and my girlfriend (F, 18) have been together for almost a year now (We've kind of known each other for 3 years but didn't really become close until 2019) and it's not going so great.. We're both still in school and living with our parents. It also shows the trust in the relationship is strong. You might do more damage than cure. Thanks for the input! The following week we were best friends and by summer time we were a couple. Now, if she is upset that you do other things to fulfill your life instead of sit with her it is a problem. I don't really particularly enjoy doing any activities or have many friends because I enjoy being alone. The interaction with folks at work is more than enough. By the end of the night we bonded. What to Do When My Girlfriend Talks to a Guy Who Likes Her? If you can look at him objectively and see that he does have a total lack of life, then you shouldnt feel bad for making this observation and telling him about it. She IS filling her time. I don't know a single female without at least one hobby. Nah, thats not the same situation OP described. I was everything to her. When I first met my girlfriend, she had friends that she hung out with on a semi-regular basis. Weekends are all about us thinking of stuff to do together and although i really enjoy these times and love her dearly, sometimes i want to spend it with my friends or have a good session of gaming . Be direct and ask her why she is so selective about her friends etc, it could be she isn't interested in boardinging out. 15 Signs You're In An Unbalanced Relationship. So it might be that you're making yourself feel like you have to do this rather than her having a problem. I understand there are super introverted people but just found it strange she literally does not do anything outside of her apartment unless it's with me. Her being introverted and her not having anything going on from OP's point of view are completely separate things. This was a source of tension for some time until we figured it out. A woman loves her man unconditionally but if you waver in her trust, she will give you a hard time and you will have to keep earning her trust till the time she begins to trust you again. Its not even as easy as keeping up with my old coworkers, because their schedules are vastly different than mine. She needs help. It puts a lot of pressure on me and I'm starting to feel smothered. Since you were ten, you have planned your life with achievable goals. She sees friends 3-4 times a month. However, you can also try to help her to gain focus for a secure future. Some people tend to be every independent in life and are content with what they have. you honestly just sound like u just want your girlfriend to have other people to lean on too! You should also try to emphasize how much you care about him as a person before breaking up with him so he doesnt take the news personally and think that you are just not interested in being friends anymore. not really sure, but I feel fine about it personally. There are constant "if-onlys." Whether it is you, your partner, or both of you having these thoughts, it's a bad sign if there is always a sense that the relationship could be satisfying if only. Don't feel too stressed about making her days off be as active as yours. You are basically Sheldon Cooper. It clearly bothers you now or you wouldnt be writing this. He was concerned because he ASSUMED he had to stay in with her because he did not understand that its her personality. She has a few close friends and spends time with them. There is also a gendered element to them: outdoor activities and sports are coded "male" and sitting at home watching TV is coded "female.". I dont actually want to do anything with them because I really just They will need her to spend long hours solely dedicated to them. My girlfriend has no friends or hobbies outside of me and it is starting to stress me out. Tell her,You need to meet more people. It may be possible for a relationship where there is no life outside of the other person to work, but it will take lots of effort from both partners. She has no social life; therefore, she will interfere with yours. Dont stereotype activities among gender roles because he surely is not. When one partner doesnt have any friends, the other person in the relationship may start to feel smothered or that they are responsible for their partners happiness. Look, you need to consider that she may be perfectly happy like this? Trust, the times when you're too busy to hang out she probably treasures as her alone time. I know right. Its a different situation than what youre talking about. And it doesnt equate to an unfulfilling relationship. I dont see them much at the moment. If your friends and family dont like him, it may mean that they see a red flag that youre not aware of. Im just like your girlfriend. He says he remembers me being nice and helpful so he stayed with me the remainder of the night and we did some work together. Or take turns planning dates exploring things that interest you. If you want to save yourself and your near-perfect planned life from whatever chaos she is churning up for your future, you will either have to call it quits for this relationship or be the bigger person and take her out of that lazy zone. Its easy to feel defensive or blamed when your partner says she needs more space, but you shouldnt take it personally. It would be healthier for both of you if he developed his own set of friends so that when you do spend time together, its in a more relaxed environment where he isnt putting any pressure on you to give him your full attention. Taking her out of that lazy zone will be immensely difficult. There's no problem staying inside all-day if that's what you enjoy doing. Her directionless life can be the direct or indirect result of a disturbed childhood. If this continues to bother you, then you will have to accept that the two of you are incompatible. Not hang out with friends. This also shows that at that moment, you are not the guys greatest or primary concern. I spend time with a mutual friend occasionally. You may be beginning to wonder if youre the only thing that matters to him. So my SO basically saw me in front of a screen for most of the time. I love relaxing and find hanging out with people exausting. She isn't talking about say, TV shows or movies, or working out, or cats, with coworkers or on the telephone or online? Your girlfriend is very insecure and feels that you might leave her. I feel like her world revolves around me and it's unsettling, because it's a lot of pressure to constantly maintain her emotional state, let alone mine. It really is and can be exhausting! Maybe she is failing at finding good jobs because she lacks skills. One way you could go about it is, rather than say "hey, I'm planning to hang out with my friends, want to come? It might help to have a mutual friend or family member present when you do sit down with him so he doesnt feel alone in the world. What is with girls not having hobbies? I do have a ton of hobbies, dogs gardening, crochet, sculpting, etc, but I easily don't leave the house or talk to people on my days off. It's possible that your girlfriend is mad at you, but it's also possible that she's going through something tough that has nothing to do with you. I ask because I'm a very introverted woman myself. My entire life cannot revolve around you.Just tell her all the difficult, harsh truths about your situation. I love her and want to tilt the relationship back, but find it hard to bring it up because she gets super upset and it usually makes things worse. for most of the year we had a pretty good routine going: tuesday night date . Her lazy and directionless nature can adversely affect your life if you are in a serious relationship. No problem! However I recently changed jobs and went from the food services to job where I was constantly around peers to working for a nonprofit where there is no one my age I can really socialize with or relate to. "My purpose is to live my best life through doing and being everything I can do and be," she says. If he has no friends and no life outside of you, give him space so that he can develop his own hobbies and interests. We were best friends first. She probably listens to music while working out, there's holes here that need to be filled but OP is upset his GF isn't more like him. if she isnt contributing anything new via her interests, hobbies, friends, etc. Give her some time to cool down. There are plenty of introverted people that have good friends and healthy social lives outside of their home. Instead, you can frame the sentence differently and change your tone tosay, Why dont you think about finishing your major? When I want to go out and do stuff, I just go. it was a false assumption based on his perspective. Often, you don't do a thing and she figures out a way to react. If you think you can live without her in your life, give it a try and have the breakup talk with her. She is awesome and I really like spending time with her. I'm just like your girlfriend, but I'm 40 years old and I have children. Is knitting not a hobby to you? Or maybe they expect you to fall in line with their. Tell her that if this continues, you might lose touch with them; if that happens, she will be responsible for that. She has to interact with her workmates 5 days a week and then your friends almost every weekend, by the sounds of it. for myself it took years for me to be able to go out with people without a "saftey net" person i would sit by the whole time. She doesn't handle arguments or conflict very well at all. Does she pressure you to spend more time with her? The thing is that most good qualities often come with bad qualities as well. If you have tried all of the above things and failed at bringing about a positive change, I think you should let go of this relationship. No one advised her to choose her major wisely. She knows she is rich. For more information, please see our Remember, your girlfriend eyes all your moves that include all the words that you have spoken or not spoken to her. OP should consider that there are introverts who are more introverted than him and that's ok. Yup! They get along with my girlfriend, but I still would like to keep my own relationship with my friends, and not be the guy that brings his girlfriend with him every single time. I have no ability to say things . The apartment is her cocoon; once she gets out of it, she will get a taste of the real world and the benefits of being in it. Minute observation can detect it. 1 Focus on your own interests. She cant even pay rent with it. This sounds like my husband and me, and its called Codependency. However, my boyfriend is very social and outgoing and has a bunch of friends as well as many hobbies. My Girlfriend Always Accuses Me of Cheating and Lying (SOLVED), My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me to Focus on Herself (Here's Why), My Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself (21 Advice For You). He doesnt have any other interests or friends. It is great to have a supportive partner who loves spending time with you, but its also important to have some independence and space. Have you ever seen her leave her room? Plus, they are mommies now and are usually busy. I always invite him, but he never wants to go and that's up to him. If you feel like his possessiveness is smothering you, then be upfront with him about how this makes you feel. This doesnt mean she has nothing going on in her life. Not one relying on the other for it. My girlfriend's [24F] lack of social life and confidence is starting to wear on me [24M]. He's introverted too, but a bit less so than me. And for all you know she is doing something creative but just feels hesitant to share that aspect of herself with you yet. This is a fair point, but OP, it's also totally reasonable for you to not want to be with someone who has nothing else going on in their life. The only people she really talks about are people she works with, and she has definitely never met up with them outside of work. But even then it doesn't mean you should try to 'fix' her. This can also lead to feelings of guilt if you feel like you arent giving him enough attention when he does spend time with you. That's her business. #2 - Miss Control Freak I only get together with my friends a few times a month. Whatever you choose will need you to have the courage to face the resistance from her side. It will help her regain her lost confidence and steer her into looking for a better job. You're assuming she's unhappy, but you haven't given any indication that she actually is unhappy. If she is off on a weekend I feel like I have to spend all my time with her or she will just sit inside watching Netflix. How did that come about? She should know that she is not the only important person in your life. Some of the PMs I got were absurd. I'm starting to feel like I'm the only person she ever thinks about, plans to do things with. I agree with everything you've said. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Our society perpetuates the idea that love equals total and complete dependence. The truth is that it takes two strong people to have a healthy relationship. You haven't given us any sense that she relies on you for anything. I started thinking about it when I realized how much fun we have when we go out with my friend group. There isnt really an easy way to break up with someone who has no life outside of his relationship because its unlikely that he will be receptive to this type of lifestyle change. One great way to get around this is by scheduling a date day or two each week. When you pin her down and hold her close, it excites and thrills her. Open Privacy Options She has been seeing a therapist for the last year to learn how to express herself better, so I'm sure that has something to do with it. Not really sure what you're talking about wrt personality and success, that doesn't have anything to do with what I said. If this goes on, her entire life will start revolving around you. Even if it's just gaming or something, ya know? Your girlfriend seems lazy and directionless because she probably is depressed. There is a difference between my girlfriend has no friends and no life and wants to be with me every waking second and my girlfriend is introverted and doesn't have a lot going on outside of the 2 of us. Some people like doing that. You need to reconnect with your friends.. 4. Neither of you should be giving up your autonomy for someone else, nor should you expect that someone else is going to fulfill all of your needs. In todays world where everyone is busier than ever, its understandable that many couples struggle to spend enough quality time together without feeling smothered by their partner. Financial independence is extremely important in this expensive world. If youre wondering how to deal with a boyfriend who has no life outside of you, its important to be fair and respectful. being introverted doesn't equal dependency. I just don't want her to have to rely on me for any outside connections. You may be beginning to wonder if you're the only thing that matters to him. She has caught you lying to her. She is happy with her little gig at the coffee shop downstairs. Read on. Your problems with her lazy and directionless lifestyle arise from your middle-class upbringing. Not sure where you live, but it sounds like you don't interact with the kind of women that have hobbies. She described the importance of core values, and shared her life purpose. Thats probably why she lacks friends and clings to you for company. Does it bother her that she has only 1 friend and very few hobbies? Or I'd like to go out with my friends in a guys setting. Ok? They are limited, but they are trustworthy. It doesnt matter if shes happy or unhappy or whatever. Ill always be there if you need any help.. Is that coming from you or is that coming from her? Her lazy and directionless attitude worried you so much that you arrived here, looking for reasons and solutions. 2. When He Cooks for You (Here What It Means). Let her feel like Rachel Green for a while before she gets all serious with her role in her family business. It might actually do your boyfriend some good to get out of the house and spend time with friends rather than always expecting you to entertain him. Education, too, demands the same level of commitment. In a perfect world, both partners would work toward the success of their relationship. She can't fix something if she doesn't know there's something to fix. I broke up with her. When she becomes a misfit among the people around her (she will because everyone is doing something or the other), she will start latching on to you. No I meant how did you meet a SO if you were dealing w/ social anxiety? You think she's just passively watching movies and really she's spending that time writing or whatever, but just told you she was watching netflix. My [M25] girlfriend [23] has no friends or hobbies outside of our relationship. it's all ok! Why is she like this? I like hanging out by myself. Personally, when I'm at home by myself, I enjoy (trying to) crochet, drawing, playing games and listening to music and occasionally going for a walk, rollerblading. (13 Possible Reasons). I don't have energy for more. 3. she goes to school about 45 mins away from and i work full-time. it's okay to concerned about it! In this blog post, well discuss why its important for both partners in a relationship to maintain their own identities, and well offer some tips for how to deal if your partner has no life outside of you. When did you last enjoy a date-night out or even have a quiet dinner together with no phones or TV? This keeps the relationship fresh and allows you both to keep growing," says Landes. New lovers do their best to appreciate the naturally satisfying connections and. We completely trust each other and could, but chose not to, be more social. He is concerned because he doesnt understand her behavior (because hes more of an extrovert). Staying in your cozy room most of the time, all by yourself, sounds great. Watching Netflix IS her hobby. If she is off on a weekend I feel like I have to spend all my time with her or she will just sit inside watching Netflix. I also love tennis personally whereas my boyfriend isn't a huge fan, but I'm trying to drag him into it anyway so that he can be my double's partner LOL. Let your girlfriend figure it out on her own and leave her alone about it. I agree with the rest of the posters here that there's nothing inherently wrong with her lifestyle. Wanting to just spend quiet time at home isn't really that weird, especially if she's got a job where she's around people a lot. Chances are there that your girlfriend, like Max, had a terrible childhood, which messed up everything. He doesn't have any other interests or friends. Does he always want to be around you, and spend all his time with you? I do all this on my own time and my boyfriend isn't always aware of it. Your girlfriend probably is such a kind of person. Have a life outside of the relationship. I used to work overnights at a casino. This doesnt mean that I dont approve of my boyfriend spending time with others without me present. Doing things in your life that aren't going to work and passively consuming entertainment. i just thought maybe you needed some extra help with social anxiety. In fact, OP seems to self-identify as such. Especially when she doesn't even get to recharge by binge-watching netflix. Some of the links on this website are affiliate links. If he feels like hes losing his only source of happiness in the world, then breaking up will probably seem like an impossible task to him. This is me. Does she have a problem with sitting inside watching Netflix? Honestly, the difference between movies as a hobby and movies as passive staring is how you engage with it, and we don't have that information. Now, she can't even see that ladder and is wasting her life in a dead-end job. Depression can change people in the worst possible ways. as long as she allows you to have a life i dont see the problem, some people just enjoy alone time! But for the last few months, her clinginess has increased tenfold. Encourage her to finish her major, but dont patronize her as Leonard Hofstadter did with his girlfriend Penny inThe Big Bang Theory. My boyfriend and I can talk for hours, make each other laugh, and have fun when we go out. My boyfriend can go and do the things he wants when he wants to. First getting to know anyone new happens rarely, if it happens then via friends, but my friendgroups are pretty static by now. I don't know why, but she is incredibly insecure at times and is truly a sweet girl who wants the best for me. Likewise, it isn't important for her to share your hobbies unless what you really want is someone to do these things with. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I have to talk to people all day at work, so I really don't want to spend my free time talking to more people (my kids and boyfriend don't count as 'people' because it doesn't tire me or stress me out to talk to them). He doesn't deserve to be your boyfriend if he makes you feel bad about yourself. I do things with them by myself when she is at work and she always says she wishes she could come. If your partner is always around you, it may seem flattering at first, but after the initial novelty wears off, it can become draining. Honestly for someone in full time employment, that's a lot. The ambitious guy may work 70 hours a week. And while doing that, mention the reasons that made you arrive at this decision. YOU are the one who is anxious. You cant deal with depression without professional help. Even if you know in your heart that this relationship is unhealthy for both parties, it would probably be a shock to your partner when you do decide to break up with him. Monica Geller once famously said to Rachel, Welcome to the real world. In the beginning stages, its easy to have this type of dependence because you like how accessible your partner makes you feel. Maybe she doesn't have to have a hobby but just a love to hang out with friends and family doing stuff. If hes draining your time, then you need to set boundaries with him. We do things with my friends at least 3-4 times a month. Your Partner Exhibits Controlling Behavior Hiraman/E+/Getty Images Perhaps your partner tries to control what you do and when you do it. maybe you're the push to be more social that she's been looking for :), I disagree with most of the folks here. He is treating you as a playdate and it is best that you keep yourself unattached for a while.

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