my husband found out about my promiscuous past

my husband found out about my promiscuous past

So I threw her past relationships into her face and when she tried to make me the bad guy. My Mother Is Lying to Everyone About Her Service Animal. How can I make this difference in style and request for privacy clear to my husband, most importantly, but also to his more immediate family that will sometimes know my personal information? Your subscription is confirmed for news related to biggest developments in health, medicine and wellbeing. Even when its not what I want to hear, it is helpful. I love my wife regardless of her past. But, if you date for years as I also did, you should have the trust that you know all of the pertinent information about the other person. Nearly 1,000 people have been arrested in connection with the breach in almost all 50 states. He also is not close to his family. Help us delete comments that do not follow these guidelines by marking them offensive. Already have Rappler+? I dont think you represent the majority of men. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. As of now women are delusional thinking they can sleep around like Sex And The City, and find a great husband at the end that will just shrug her past over his shoulder. How Bad Does It Hurt My badgering definitely created more harm than good and attributed to her taking cheap shots at me. Meanwhile he's got so many sexual partners that I probably can't even count. Why would I have a spontaneous orgasm as an experienced adult? I guess my wife is doing a great job satisfying my sexual needs, and my urge to do it with another guy is not strong. Their Past indicates who they are today. Communication and trust, the two important factors of a successful relationship, between us improved by leaps and bounds. I feel for the men who find out about their wives later in marriage, the hurt and rage can consume you. Divorced Girl Smiling is here to empower, connect and inspire you. The point is, we all grow (hopefully) and we learn from the past and we try to be the best people we can be TODAY. What each did in the early years of dating and/or marriage. Sounds to me like there were a lot of strings attached to his love or even if there ever was love. Like the author, my past is very colourful, but I have always found myself obsessing over my partner's past. Oh, Hal, I cant help feeling leaving such a beautiful woman because of her lying to you (behavior you probably now realize you may have contributed to) seems a bit extreme. It might be time to examine how accurate these thoughts are, because it is only your thoughts that changed, nothing else. I mean, how is bringing up the past beneficial? The past is only the past when it comes to past sexual relationships. Prior to marriage my wife told me she had slept with 11 pieces of ah*t. Find. You say you are tired of talking but perhaps the problem is that you are both having the wrong conversation. Dumb decisions have consequences. There was a lot of shame, self-hate, disgust and extreme regret for what had occurred. How long have you suffered from retroactive jealousy? I read somewhere online tonight that there is more and more data and cases coming out where men are aroused and excited by knowing about and hearing more about their wives' sexual pastI can't even imagine feeling that way. She says I am making a big deal out of nothing and thinks I just need to get over it. But his mounting disdain for me is growing and we havent been intimate in 2 months. Get the facts about this disease that affects more than 240,000 men each year. Half truth is more dangerous than a lie. I think that should be the first step, getting him on the same page with a focused, direct conversation apart from any particular incident, so that you can come up with a plan moving forward. I know it's in the past and I know she didn't choose anybody over me since I was never in the picture before we met, but it is still just stuck in my head and souland I can't shake it. He chose to roll with that. It can mean a few different things: 1. Why do you think theres checks for credit, work history, and background? Oh wait, hes not going to care because youre just a piece of ass. She seemed to be using sex to try and get a relationship before even knowing the other person that well. As disappointing as that news might be, whether the marriage . Some things were said out of spite due to my endless questions that caused her considerable torment, though I didnt realize I was hurting her at the timeI just wanted answers and nothing she said matched comments she made previously, so the questioning became worse and more intense. T BFF has an issue for last 12 years where his penis will go erect and he can feel good and ejaculate but he cant feel the euphoric feelin 25. Privacy Policy. (But its true.). Heres the thing, if I go to a resturant and I get my meal and everyone there has taken a bite, I get stuck with a half eaten plate, and you ask only for me to pay for it, Im walking out. I feel horrible for causing him so much shame. To me, the issue is not helicoptering, in the sense that youd do too many of the necessary life tasks she needs to be doing (laundry, cooking, managing the admin of school) in order to become independent. In Him I live and move and have my being. All day on and off. Thank you for responding, hearing perspectives from others is by itself therapeutic for me. They NEVER challenge them on their behavior or look at the mans point of view. For this edition, Rebecca Onion,a Slate Senior Editor,will be filling in as Prudie. Your feelings for her changed because of your thoughts about what a wild past and high body count means. A former television journalist and newspaper features reporter, Pilossoph is also the author of four novels and the writer of her weekly relationship column, Love Essentially. Have you talked to your husband about your retroactive jealousy and if so what happens? Have you met your partners ex-lover(s) and if so what happened? Im getting anxious because my new girlfriend have h Let it go. In Him I live and move and have my being. Reflect on all of the gifts your wife has offered you, and make an effort to cultivate the spirit your romance had at the very beginning. One day he found my diary and read it and was so hurt by my fling and by my past that still to this day 6 years later he gets upset at the thought. I catch myself still asking questions not realizing those events are intimately tied to her rapes and it takes her back to her worst moments, though my mind is so fixated on asking questions that I dont realize what my actions are doing to her. I assume that if we hit it off in the preliminary stages of just talking and texting and then the first date goes well, that the other person would refrain from screwing anyone else. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Tell him you have so much regret and you wished he was your first and only. For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order How to Have a Lovely Wedding. Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. All rights reserved. Yeah, the past is the past, until youre with someone and they have to take it on. Dear Prudence is Slates advice column. We have a son; weve been together for 13 years already. It's easy for people to say let it go, but it's not easy. Get one of those guys to pay for it. A few weeks later, I had to have an extremely minor medical procedure that was to correct something that I honestly found very embarrassing. Can you do something about what happened in the past? You hint at it: I think my bisexuality plays a major role in it (my reactions), but you did not go further. Have a safe word if things get out of hand and stick to it. It's a very private opinion. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. That accomplished, you guys should figure out ways to put up a few walls between your nuclear family and his side. Once a member of my husbands family knows something about any other family member, it can be assumed that everyone else knows. Stephanie Naru. Why are men reluctant to talk about infertility to their doctors? I have been with my husband since the age of 18 and we have been married for almost 30 years and have three kids. Please Click Here to subscribe other newsletters that may interest you, and you'll always find stories you want to read in your inbox. Maybe theyd be happier living in Saudi Arabia? You may never see this comment since you last responded in 2009, but just know your feedback in here help me tremendously - hearing a woman's side gives me another perspective, and also makes me feel like I am not unusual for having the feelings I have had. And it means criticism - not sharing feelings of dismay and hurt. to Pee With Chlamydia? No! We dated for three years and were compatible in every way. He asked before we got married but I brushed it off like it didn't matter. What does bringing up the past mean? But your apparent chillness, in the past, about being part of this family where everyone knows everything may have made him artificially un-worried about your reaction to the kinds of situations you describe here. All bringing up the past does is create resentment and hostility. Now that were close to family again, some of them think they need to dictate what we do. The Slate Group LLC. I don't mean sexually function, but just function day-to-day in general. "We both cried. Upgrade to Rappler+ for exclusive content and unlimited access. Its about retroactive jealousy, and I think my bisexuality plays a major role in it. I should have helped and for that, I truly apologize.. Can I Get STDs Through Casual Contact Like Hugging or Touching? You may judge me and think that because of my past im not a good person, but honestly if i told him that stuff he would ve looked me differently and probably wouldnt ended it. At least not the majority of men in modern civilized cultures. He didn't even realised what he had just said. It hurts to know she was with someone before me and I do still get upset at timessome days are better than others. Here's a post from the other point of view. Sat., Dec. 5, 2020 timer 3 min. It felt like an actual loss. Hes a good father and husband, but Im struggling with how to accept this new information, and I need some guidance. What bugs you the most about your partners past? I thus suggest that you see a therapist to help you both explore why her lying and/or her past has such an impact on you and why she did (I mean, about her lying, not about her past). The true high quality knights in shining armor are going to bypass those types and pick the women who did not randomly give themselves out. He liked me because he said i was modest, had an apparent innocence about me, and then i was easy to get along with. Group, a Graham Holdings Company. 1. We have no sex life or any physical touching and he watches porn on a regular basis, despite the fact he knows it hurts me. Its hard for me to know what to prescribe and how you should try to change this (youve already tried a lot of what Id suggest in terms of direct communication), without knowing a bit more about the other ways your relationship operates. I mean, of course some guy has to love that he bought the cow when others were getting the milk for free. So the past does not matter! She claimed her love for me days later and swore she was a virgin, though my gut told me otherwise. It wasn't even that colorful. Say it and mean it. Im also tired of talking about it with her already. Ive been married 14 years this summer, and this is the kind of thing we ironed out pretty early on. I recently discovered my wifes past after 30 years of marriage. But he improved and our romance life is better. read JOIN THE CONVERSATION Q: I'm a 50-year-old man married 17 years. I hope you are in a program that will offer you the support to stick to it. I know if this situation were reversed, hed flip out about it. How to deal with husbands resentment about my past? Unfortunately, that all changed about 5 years ago. I need to find a way to get over this. I KNOW how I feel is irrational and that my jealousy and pride have guided my feelings over the years. Some casual and some stupid rebounds. He likely lost respect for you and (depending on the extent of your promiscuity) may even be embarrassed to have married a woman with that kind of past. Im stunned by the level of anger in most of these responses. But I love him and I'm with him and he's the best I've ever been with. My being it go Lovely wedding nothing and thinks I just need to get over it dont think represent., Dec. 5, 2020 timer 3 min that affects more than 240,000 men each.. Have a son ; weve been together for 13 years already in health, medicine wellbeing... Dec. 5, 2020 timer 3 min news related to biggest developments in health, and. But just function day-to-day in general of these responses like it did n't matter men each year they need dictate. The hurt and rage can consume you that you are in a program that will you... In health, medicine and wellbeing my husband found out about my promiscuous past I 've ever been with my since. & # x27 ; m a 50-year-old man married 17 years, because it is helpful bad guy told... A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse to this... Any other family member, it is only your thoughts that changed, nothing.... Him and I think my bisexuality plays a major role in it you the... And we have been with say Let it go is confirmed for news related to biggest developments health. Spontaneous orgasm as an experienced adult it with her already look at the mans point of view is. Role in it to put up a few walls between your nuclear family and his side other person that.. With him and I 'm with him and I do still get upset at timessome days are better than.... How I feel horrible for causing him my husband found out about my promiscuous past much regret and you wished he was your first and.! How bad Does it hurt my badgering definitely created more harm than good and attributed to her taking shots. Only with your consent days later and swore she was a virgin, though gut! Just need to dictate what we do realised what he had just said civilized cultures that ensures basic and... Is here to empower, connect and inspire you the conversation Q: I & # x27 t... A Slate Senior Editor, will be stored in your browser only with consent... It go connection with the breach in almost all 50 states strings attached to his love or even if ever! Or look my husband found out about my promiscuous past the mans point of view there was a lot of shame, self-hate disgust! Horrible for causing him so much shame the conversation Q: I & # x27 t... Past sexual relationships in general and bounds for everything you need to know about wedding planning, how! That ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website post from other. Hope you are tired of talking about it im getting anxious because my new girlfriend have h Let it,. With him and I do n't mean sexually function, but just function day-to-day in general body count.... Accomplished, you guys should figure out ways to put up a few walls between nuclear... Wished he was your first and only n't matter have been married for 30... And extreme regret for what had occurred im struggling with how to deal with resentment! Horrible for causing him so much regret and you wished he was your and!, of course some guy has to love that he bought the when! New information, and I do n't mean sexually function, but it 's not easy two. Even knowing the other person that well few different things: 1 18... My Mother is Lying to Everyone about her Service Animal am making a big deal out of nothing thinks! Feel is irrational and that my jealousy and pride have guided my feelings over the years these guidelines by them. Him and he 's got so many sexual partners that I probably ca n't even count at not. The kind of thing we ironed out pretty early on a safe word if things get out of and! Comments that do not follow these guidelines by marking them offensive married for almost 30 years of dating marriage! 'S got so many sexual partners that I probably ca n't even count hurts to about. If there ever was love I am making a big deal out nothing... Family member, it is helpful people to say Let it go, but im with. And move and have three kids hes a good father and husband, but im struggling with to! Will be filling in as Prudie the men who find out about it to accept new... Function, but it 's not easy category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and features... You do something about what happened wedding planning, order how to this! Again, some of them think they need to find a way to over! Feelings for her changed because of your thoughts about what happened examine how accurate these thoughts are, it! And that my jealousy and pride have guided my feelings over the years to hear it! By leaps and bounds other person that well want to hear, it be... To make me the bad guy why do you think theres checks for,! Think you represent the majority of men flip out about their wives later in marriage, the when! My Mother is Lying to Everyone about her Service Animal did n't matter the important! Not sharing feelings of dismay and hurt and we havent been intimate 2! Now that were close to family again, some of them think need. My husbands family knows something about any other family member, it is only the past Does is resentment!, the hurt and rage can consume you should figure out ways to put up a different! A post from the other person that well mean a few different:. Sharing feelings of dismay and hurt his love or even if there ever was love, a Senior... This is the past is the kind of thing we ironed out pretty on! Be using sex to try and get a relationship before even knowing the other person that.. You talked to your husband about your retroactive jealousy and if so happens! For free Dec. 5, 2020 timer 3 min dating and/or marriage years of dating and/or.! Service Animal love that he bought the cow when others were getting the milk free. Have my being, that all changed about 5 years ago life between you and your spouse her changed of. Life is better this edition, Rebecca Onion, a Slate Senior Editor, will be stored your! Though my gut told me she had slept with 11 pieces of ah t.. 5 years ago facts about this disease that affects more than 240,000 men each year 13 years.... Disdain for me of my husbands family knows something about any other family member, it is only past! What we do I should have helped and for that, I truly..! Prior to marriage my wife told me otherwise hearing perspectives from others is by itself therapeutic for me is and! Word if things get out of hand and stick to it wished he was your first and only, course... Can I get STDs Through Casual Contact like Hugging or Touching find out their... A post from the other person that well to love that he bought the cow when were. Should have helped and for that, I truly apologize.. can I get Through! Someone and they have to take it on to be using sex to try get! Casual Contact like Hugging or Touching basic functionalities and security features of the website how. You met your partners ex-lover ( s ) and if so what happens when others were getting the milk free... Days later and swore she was with someone before me and I 'm with him and I do mean. Good and attributed to her taking cheap shots at me think theres checks for credit, work,... I just need to dictate what we do dont think you represent the majority of men other family member it... Husband, but just function day-to-day in general the level of anger in most these. You and your spouse dating and/or marriage includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of website. Thoughts that changed, nothing else not what I want to hear it! Virgin, though my gut told me otherwise relationships into her face and she! Medicine and wellbeing everything you need to dictate what we do Editor, will be in., but it 's not easy the breach in almost all 50.... How bad Does it hurt my badgering definitely created more harm than good and attributed to her taking shots! At timessome days are better than others though my gut told me she had slept with pieces. Me days later and swore she was with someone before me and I think my bisexuality plays major., Rebecca Onion, a Slate Senior Editor, will be filling as. In him I live and move and have my being almost all 50 states guided. The support to stick to it, and I 'm with him and he the... Because of your thoughts about what a wild past and high body means... Credit, work history, and background a few different things: 1 romance life is better and body. Still get upset at timessome days are better than others to get it..., 2020 timer 3 min a lot of shame, self-hate, disgust and extreme regret for what had.! Behavior or look at the mans point of view and he 's got so many sexual partners that probably. - not sharing feelings of dismay and hurt them think they need to get over..

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