how to comfort your girlfriend when she's crying
[Read:Bad habits that will make your partner want to leave you]. No matter what, the most important thing you can give to a crying woman is your listening ear and your empathy. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence. Dont feel like you need to solve personal problems of a co-worker. This is particularly true in a romantic relationship, where emotions tend to get exaggerated. In getting your friend/partner/relative to open up, you demonstrate your genuine support and interest, enhance your understanding of their suffering, and let them know that you know why theyre sad; as the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (he the advocate for indirect communication) advises, that last part is important even if you think you already understand, and already know how to solve their problem: If real success is to attend the effort to bring another person to a definite position, one must first of all take the pains to find that person where he or she is and begin there. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Fortunately, the simple act of being there for her when she needs your support and understanding goes a long way toward comforting her. Hey, we never said it was an honorable reason to cry, but it can be a true one. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Do you want to talk? Oh I know you dont want to go to, or Dont be mad at me, or Dont make me do this thing. And the list goes on and on! If we respect our couple in everything, she will be comfortable with us. After we face some problems with her, she can solve it by our supporting; we can give them a gift to show that she is right person. Also, shell credit you for making it happen. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. I want to make this easier for you., This isnt fair, and Im so angry that you have to go through this. If she is crying because she had a fight with a friend, you might discuss ways for her to repair that relationship. See if she responds positively to any of those comforting suggestions. And we definitely dont condone this reasoning, but women are pretty good at manipulating men with their tears. 5. If you see no way that you are able to help her fix the problem, then apologize and tell her that you cannot help her fix the problem. Stress clouds the mind and makes you feel alone. However, if you think shes crying because the sex blew *and not in a fun way* then well, you might be right about that too. Cheer her up and suggest she video calls her nearest and dearest technology can make us feel much closer than we really are these days. ), Podcast #858: The Affectionate, Ambiguous, and Surprisingly Ambivalent Relationship Between Siblings, How to Fight Entitlement and Develop Gratitude in Your Kids, How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting, You Dont Have to Be Your Dad: How to Become Your Familys Transitional Character, Podcast #810: How to Turn a Boy Into a Man, Sunday Firesides: The Maturing Mirror of Marriage, Sunday Firesides: Climb the Ladder of Love, Podcast #875: Authority Is More Important Than Social Skills, Podcast #874: Throw a 2-Hour Cocktail Party That Can Change Your Life, 9 Mental Distortions That Are Sabotaging Your Social Life, Skill of the Week: Shuffle a Deck of Cards, Podcast #902: How to Survive Any Worst Case Scenario, Skill of the Week: Start a Fire in the Rain, Skill of the Week: Remove a Fish Hook From Your Finger, not to pivot the focus of the conversation onto you, he the advocate for indirect communication, try working through this exercise with them, Sunday Firesides: The Slipstream of Comfort. So you might say to your friend whos going through a bad break-up:Of course youre devastated. Encourage them to open up. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. If you want to learn how to comfort a girl when shes crying, freezing isnt going to help! X How do you comfort a crying girl over text? Accept Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 847,540 times. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. What comforts a guy most likely makes the situation worse for a girl. This article was co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Trustworthy Source 48 Facial Hair Secrets, Rules & What Girls Want to See, Why Do Girls Like Tall Guys? Excess rumination is not only ineffective in alleviating depressed feelings, it can actually make them worse. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine how you would feel and how you would act. Its not the best idea to come out and ask her if this is the case, but simply bear in mind that it could be the reason behind her sadness. "I wish I could be there right now.". Is that right?. [3] Before proceeding further, try to get a handle on what the situation might be and whether it is appropriate for you to try to comfort her. Youre so strong and brave., I hate that youre going through this, but I know that youll come out the other side stronger., I wish I could be there with you right now, but know that Im holding you in my thoughts., Youre not alone in this, Im here for you every step of the way., Is there anything I can do to help you? I held off on doing so, because while I thought I did a pretty good job in this area myself, I wanted to see if there was real research out there concerning best practices. 1 Relax You are going to have to calm down. 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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. There is nothing worse than not having your feelings acknowledged. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. You can even give her some advice about how you might handle the situation if you were in her shoes. Today Ill share his advice, as well as the tips Ive gleaned from personal experience, on how to comfort someone whos sad, so you can help them in their time of need and be a better son, friend, and husband/boyfriend. References. Fortunately, most of the time people arent actually looking for you to offer specific advice or pearls of wisdom; the most comforting thing in the world isnt an inspiring platitude, but feeling like someone else gets what youre going through, and that youre not alone in the world. Sure, you might not be able to solve her issues but take it from me, a comforting message over text if you cant be present will go a long way! Great, good for you. ET on EWTN: Holy Mass and Rosary on Wednesday, June 7, 2023 Tell us where you're watching from, and include your intentions for. % of people told us that this article helped them. The most important thing is that youre there for her and youre making yourself available, and making it known that youll do anything she needs. Just take her out to do something fun to make her completely forget about the problems shes facing. Go get a massage or have a spa day. The truth is that guys are just so different. Just dont make fun of her situation; keep the humor subject light and away from her troubles. Most women like communication, especially when they are emotionally stressed out. If you think she may be overreacting, you can tell her that. [Read:Moves to seduce a woman and get her in bed]. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. "You're still in my thoughts. How do I help my girlfriend fix a problem? The familiarity of her favorite place will lift her spirits, and your presence will comfort her. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Its lonely to feel like youre coming at something from out of left field. not to be ambitious but to be patient.. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. If she is crying because you two had a fight. Tell me everything thats led up to this. Engage in active listening. Image credits Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash. But theres nothing scary about water falling from your girlfriends eyes. I'm sorry. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Remember that there is nothing unprofessional about tears at work. Dating Coach. This sounds like a very difficult situation.". Other times, the upset person still feels unresolved, and wants advice on what to do. Affirm your support and commitment. But I know that youre handling it like a champ., Its okay to not be okay. Have you ever had someone come to you crying? Flowers are suitable for just about any situation, but getting her favourite video game after her parents have died probably isn't going to get the reaction you're looking for. Fortunately, I recently came across some great tips from Dr. John Gottman, a professor of psychology and arguably the foremost relationship expert in the country. [Read: 33 awesome date ideas every couple should try]. That she can get through it no matter what and that you believe she can. So hold off on going into problem-solving mode at first, and just listen. . "Today my girlfriend started crying for no reason. "I am an unpublished writer, and I needed a good response to someone crying. "Tell me what's on your mind.". If all else fails, try to make her laugh. If theyre someone you hug regularly, then give them an embrace. By using our site, you agree to our. She may be stuck in her own head at this time and feeling worried about all sorts of different things. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. In the case where she is upset with you, find the best way to calm her rather than also get angry. You have to hear her situation out and try to understand what shes going through. Reflect on yourself. See your job not as talking, but as getting the other person to talk, so that they can sort through their feelings themselves; they may not even be able to articulate why theyre feeling down, unless you draw it out of them. If you do the activities with your girlfriend, you must work as a team. Starting at 8 a.m. Only provide a tissue if the crying person asks for one or seems to be looking around for one. Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. As a comfort-driven conversation winds down, let the person know that you understand what theyre going through, that youre sorry theyre going through it, and that your shoulder is always available for crying on. This may just make her feel invalidated. If you've comforted her in the past and she was receptive to certain actions, repeating them again is a good trick. Summary: If she cries because of you, it means that she is concerned about you. [Read:Biggest dating turn-offs for women]. Welcome to r/dating_advice!. Whisper Advice - Things You Wish Someone Told You. If she cries constantly without feeling relief, you might want to suggest that she talk to a professional. Guys like to process things internally, whereas girls prefer to have someone to talk to and vent their worries and fears. Otherwise, give her a hug and just sit in the hug for a moment or so. Moods ebb and flow, and perhaps shes just having a down day and needs a little comfort from you. To help does not mean to be a sovereign but a servant . They zone out in social situations. Learning how to comfort a girl when shes crying, for this reason, can be tricky. Encourage her! That should help you to open up and do your best to comfort her. Buy her the goddamn tampons. Still, for some people, laughter is a natural albeit nervous reaction. What to do if a girl never initiates texts, 40+ sweet goodnight texts to send your girlfriend, Im here for you, I love you, and Ill support you through whatever youre going through., Just wanted to let you know that Im thinking of you and that I love you., I know this is tough, but I promise it wont last forever. If you are feeling like you are becoming distressed by comforting someone, take care of yourself by seeking out others who could help support you. I'm really sorry that happened! Offer physical affection if appropriate. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Stay By Her Side. Hugs make everything better for girlsunless youre the problem, of course. And we mean REALLY listen to her talk about her issues. [Read: 20 easy ways to make your girlfriend incredibly happy!]. Or as the minister Fred B. Craddock puts it so well: To understand what is understood and how it is understood means not only that you understand but that the listener understands that you do.. They're pessimistic. Avoid phrases such as, "If I were in your shoes," "Have you tried . This is a tricky reaction to crying that could either make you the most charming person ever or a total a-hole. Do what you can, when you can. Sometimes people do want advice or a proposed solution to their problem, but even then, they usually first simply want to vent their feelings; as has often been observed, this is especially true of women. In order to help another effectively, I must understand more than he yet first of all surely I must understand what he understands. Remember that crying is not a problem to fix but rather a form of communication to listen to. Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, well be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. If you're at work or school and her situation is dire, you should clear your mind of your responsibilities and give her all the emotional support and caring that you can verbally. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b3\/Comfort-a-Crying-Woman-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Crying-Woman-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b3\/Comfort-a-Crying-Woman-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/aid1114920-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Crying-Woman-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. [Read: How does it really feel when you miss someone?]. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Even so, you shouldn't be afraid to offer your own feelings, but only if she asks you for them. This is the single WORST thing anyone could ever say to a girl when shes upset. If there is an issue to be solved, she will want to be the one to do it her way. While offering a tissue can sometimes be interpreted as a caring gesture, it might also send the signal that you want the crying to stop. She will cry even after you leave her because if that would have been what she wants from . Seeing your girlfriend upset or angry can be tough, but comforting her will help her feel calmer and less alone. After that, you must apologize for what you did and promise her that you will not do the same again. Whether shes a frequent crier or she only turns on the waterworks when things are especially dire, leaving is probably not a good idea. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. Other gestures might be nice--fixing dinner, treating her to a coffee, taking her to a movie--but your presence and attention are the best gifts you could give. ", http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry.aspx, http://www.bemebetter.com/benefits-crying/, http://www.redcross.org.uk/What-we-do/Teaching-resources/Teacher-briefings/Emotional-support, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brain-babble/201308/why-do-we-cry-when-were-happy, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sponsored/lifestyle/how-to-improve-confidence/11246151/comfort-crying-woman.html, http://www.prevention.com/sex/friendship/be-better-friend-these-tips-offering-comfort, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/, http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/why-we-cry-the-truth-about-tearing-up?page=3, http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-person.htm, http://positivepsychologynews.com/news/denise-clegg/200910214134, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/25/hugging-health-valentines-day_n_2545226.html, http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/body-language/discomfort-field-guide, http://caps.ucsc.edu/pdf/responding-to-distress.pdf, http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407, http://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/tips/a8666/comfort-a-grieving-friend/, https://hbr.org/2015/05/why-people-cry-at-work, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brooke-siler/stress-relief-why-crying_b_629309.html, https://hbr.org/2013/06/what-to-do-when-an-employee-cries-at-work, http://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening/. Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. Low rated: 1. When faced with tears, its natural to want to try to snap the person out of it with smiles and jokes, or by insisting that whatever theyre upset about is no big deal. But someone whos upset wants to take you on a tour of their melancholic landscape, pointing out the blue-tinged landmarks theyre seeing; it doesnt help to say, Nope, theres nothing out there! or Look, theres a dog riding a unicycle! Something may not feel like a big deal to you, but it does feel like a big deal to them. Shes upset about something, and that doesnt mean you can use that vulnerability to get laid. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. Shell say things like, Come to this party. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Her idea of help may be simply having someone to talk to. Often listening is the best way to help comfort someone. If this has *you* written all over it, let your partner know beforehand so they arent so shocked by your seemingly heartless behavior. Matching a negative emotion with another will only create new problems atop the existing ones. Expert Interview. If this is the case, try providing a list of a few specific things you might be able to do to comfort her. 1. Social Briefing #2: Do Others See You Differently Than You See Yourself? This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Look, we know its uncomfortable. Just be careful about the messages you send; if a girl is crying because youre breaking up with her, or she just confessed feelings that arent requited, physical affection could send a mixed message. Cheating can destroy a relationship, but you can heal the pain and fix it. Never take the opposing side when a girl is upset. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. If you want to know how to comfort a girl the right way, neverstart assuming things right away. If you can make a girl laugh, youll comfort her almost instantly. For more advice from our co-author, like how to check in with the woman later, keep reading! For example, you might ask if she might like to go out for ice cream, or if she would like for you to stop by later with a movie you could watch together. People who are crying because of a mental illness such as severe anxiety or depression might actually feel worse, not better, after crying. When a woman is crying, its usually customary to ask her if shes okay, make a move to hug her, or apologize if youre being a dick! I know a lot of guys out there struggle with this scenario, because Ive gotten more requests to cover this topic than any other. Feeling appreciated and loved comforts any girl, no matter her issue. There can be an infinite number of reasons why a woman might be crying. ", In general, avoid any commands, negative language, or imperatives. She might need more attention than normal during this time. If she is crying from joy. This article has been viewed 125,034 times. Whatevers going on with her, you probably have an opinion. ", "That sounds very frustrating. Or your usually stoic buddy broke down about his girlfriend dumping him. 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