my girlfriend had a one night stand before me

my girlfriend had a one night stand before me

I've lost a lot of respect for her, but I still love her. Hi guys, my girlfriend (23), Me ( 22) we have been in a relationship for 2 years and so far I feel that we have a healthy relationship ( no drama, no arguments, we just act really mature about every situation) but couple weeks ago we was talking in the phone and she told me I wanna ask you a question and I told her yeah babe what happened? I dont need my sexual encounters to go anywhere. She has two boys and I have two boys and they get along great. I'm just so lost right now. This experience meant a lot for me at a time of my life where I thought being trans meant I would have to sacrifice true romantic encounters and simply cope with being fetishized and reduced to my trans identity. A couple of years ago I went on a family vacation to Cabo, had a three-day romance with a local volunteer firefighter and ended it by hooking up in a fire truck on the last night. Archived post. Collage by Getty Images and Dasha Faires. It's no big deal but I feel terrible about it, and I'm looking for a way to do something about it, or at least change my perspective about it. A week and a half after I saw my husband for what still, as of today, remains the last time, I had a one-night stand. I used to be attracted to my husband. You need to have an open conversation and let her know whats on your mind. He showed me things Id done maybe once or twice, 10 years ago, but now I liked them. Sex with Troy, and lately with myself, and even more lately with far-flung friends over the phone, has become a way of returning me to my essential core. She told me about him before as a friend. However, at first, her past REALLY bothered me, and all we could do is talk about it, get all our feelings out in the open and deal with it and I got over it. I HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND WITH MY FRIENDS GIRLFRIEND! Eva Hagberg is the author of the critically acclaimed How to Be Loved: A Memoir of Lifesaving Friendship, out now in paperback. I know there will always be someone better than me in some regard, but I can't help but feel inadequate and I don't know how to move forward with that. This was my first relationship so I didn't have anything to share, but it wasn't the case for my GF who also told about a one night stand that happened 6 months before we got together. 2 - She might be actually exploiting you for money and comfort without actually giving a crap. He was four years older (I was 18 at the time), and we ended up having sex in my hotels supply closet. She still loved her ex since the break up was recent, yet she decided to jump and have sex with a random guy a month later. Go to /r/redpillwomen to learn Red Pill theory from the female perspective. She offered in the past to stop e-mailing this guy, but I didn't think it was something I should have to ask her to do. And when Id brought up how sometimes I tried and he pulled away and did he want to talk about that, hed said he didnt like it when I initiated, that it made him feel like he was being pressured, or controlled, or tricked, and since then I had committed to never initiating. It just happened. After a gathering, Emma told me that she was really happy for my GF and was glad that she finally found the right guy in me. We picked songs from the juke box while she touched my back. You know those special summer evenings out with friends where you all stay out a little later than you originally intended, and maybe order one more round of Aperol Spritzes and hummus with pita bread for the table than you thought you would, and all of a sudden everyone is feeling warm and loose and in the mood to faux-whisper the tales of their most thrilling (or embarrassing or weird or funny) romantic encounters? Feeding quickly turned to making out. He left to work for the Navy some days later. IF you want to make a fool out of you and try, put it on the paper, from now and on and don't spend more than you can on her nor on yourself to be able to join her lifestyle. Do you feel your trust has somehow been violated by this knowledge of something she did before your relationship was even in place? . The day after he invited me to the movies, and we went to the movies and then we walked home and then halfway home we agreed that we were in fact on a date, and he said he was thirsty, could we stop at the deli, and I told him I had LaCroix in my fridge, and took him on a tour of my house and then asked if he wanted to see my room again. I got the abundance mentality, but I had to go I Don't Give A Fuck. Devoid of spontaneity, or pleasure. Im free. Like I say, we've all done things in our romantic past that some may find questionable or inconsistent with our own behavioral patterns. She said it was a drunken mistake with a coworker. Hers did not. She called me baby while we had passionate, overdue sex. Things have been going very well. We made our way to her house, a classic bungalow like the ones in Eve Babitzs books; spent 15 drunk minutes on the floor of her living room trying to calm her dog from this 2 a.m. intruder. Another aspect of this is I contracted herpes from a woman I eventually married. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. I wanted to feel desired. For a moment, before I took him back to my room, we sat on the couch just laughing, and I remember that particular anticipatory feeling, before we kissed, and how much Id believed Id never have that feeling again. Pizza first, then the hookup. To see all content on The Sun, please use the Site Map. To inquire about a licence to reproduce material, visit our Syndication site. She also promised that she will break the habit of spending a lot and expecting the guy to pay and I am actually seeing progress. Hes one of my best friends., I met a stranger in a bookstore in Rome and went back to his place where he bent me over a rooftop balcony overlooking the Coliseum and fucked my brains out., We met on Instagram. To preface, there was a point in my relationship where my GF and I discussed our past and who we had been with. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Sex toys involved. We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share their tales of first-date sex and one-night stands that led to true love. Before you knew it, one thing led to another and you found yourself back at his place/your place/a hotel room. A week before we got together, she got drunk, went out with friends and had a one-night stand with a random dude. How long ago was this fling? It was only once, and very out of her character. And, hard as I try, I just can't stop thinking about it. 679215 Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF. She told me that been in a relationship and try to have a one night Stand wouldnt be a good ending since it would make us feel insecure. I also asked Emma how my GF described me to her and her friend group and it was that I was "the sweetest, kindest, and most thoughtful guy around.". Everyone knew why I was calling. How Id said goodbye forever to that moment, just before you kiss someone for the first time, because I planned to only ever kiss my husband. The sex Ive had since I left my marriage has given me a way to live in the present and ask for my present needs and made me realize how much that freedom means. Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. I said, Leaving already? and he said, Should I? We hung out at the bar together for an hour or so, then went back to my place. Im really trying not to text him, I wrote. He had an amazing body and it was the perfect first one night stand., When we got back to my place, he took off his jeans to reveal boxers that looked like tiny denim hotpants. But every time I've had sex, it's been with a woman that I've been in a relationship with. She told me that in her old circle she's known for sleeping around. Dating: How to use dating sites, set a sexual frame, and utilize Push-Pull? Do you believe she is interested in going out and having one-night stands again while involved with you? Empty of tension. We hooked up in his hotel room. You've got a lot of work to do. Driving home the next morning, I kept finding gummy bears that were stuck to my arms and neck., It was 2013 and I was trekking the previously unexplored Shilheipung Hills in Manipur, India with a guy. Teach me our pats guide me in your truth and teach me for you are God my . I wanted to feel how wrong it was, how inappropriate (he was much younger than me). We have a ton of fun together and she told me I make love the best out of everyone she met. How do I define, choose, and maintain them? Has it to do with self-worth and/or confidence issues of your own? Im free because I decided to say yes, and yes, and yes again. But Emma told me something different. I want to get over it. When she told me that I felt really weird. Relationship counselling will help you both. The only way to be sure he is or isnt yours is to have a DNA test. DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend let me bond with a baby she knew might not be mine how am I meant to stay with her now? I thought he was going to take a photo, but nope, he put on Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader. So this is a hypothetical. Maybe there are better folks to help you with it and increase its chances of success. I loved it. Again, casual sex is not for me. On each occasion, she was drunk and lonely and it just happened. You are in this condition, wondering how to get over a one-night . Time for theory and considerations is up. We started talking and I could feel an attraction. Scroll down to soak them up like that last bite of olive oil-drenched pita. So this is a hypothetical. The culture assumes that straight (though Im not entirely straight) women get married and then get divorced and then go on to seek their next husband, and so we dont talk that much about this burst, whatever form it might take. thank God im with you!!!" Something happened in that absence, and we couldnt find our way back to each other. And Troy and I went into my room, and he sat on my bed, and I lunged at him and then we kissed and I thought, its too bad this wont happen again, because this is how I want to be kissed. I heard some friends talking about how one of the New York Mets just left the bar, so in my slightly inebriated state, I decided to go see if he was cute. I still have the bobby pins, though., Philadelphia. She has destroyed my life. For me, vegan, and him, gluten-free. I feel like some placekeeper and the wrong guy who walked into that coffee shop. I was feeling lonely, so I met up with a guy who had been messaging me on a dating app. There was a quieter intimacy and a quieter threat of invited violence at work here, in the way in which he slowly put his hand on my neck just to either side of my windpipe. We ended up settling on a burger place. The experience of sleeping with one friend and then, pretty quickly, another reminded me of the weekend Id first tried to get sober, almost 13 years ago. He brought me a full lemon, cut in half, and proceeded to squeeze lemon juice all over my body and lick it off. You're no saint so stop acting like it. And of course it was, though I can see more clearly now why: It was predicated on desire. See, I met my GF at the coffee shop where she met that same guy, only, I was the one to approach her. Honestly I mostly am just proud that I successfully picked up a guy wearing duck onesie pajamas.. The man was amazing, charming, he talked to me, didn't want me to leave the next morning and was very affectionate for someone I just met. She's my first girl by the way. What a powerful sentence. Apart from a few minor points here and there, she's everything I look for in a woman. A few days before she told me that she had a lot of one night stands before, and it's eating me inside out. Now if it's just a matter of having one-night stands, don't worry about that. She doesn't want to lose me. At the Time I didn't know. If you can both rebuild the trust between you, it sounds as if you would be a committed parent to this boy, whether he is biologically yours or not. There's Married Red Pill (those guys are still RPillers though. My girlfriend had one-night stands and I've never had one. I think she did it in revenge because her friends told her I had had an affair. It was all about my marriage. At what point do you go from friendly to flirting? Want to get out of here? she giggled into my ear. We tried finding food both of us could eat. But now I'm just sad and grieve the past. How do I learn to deal with this? That's not healthy, I know. It took months for me to realize how safe and how sexual I could really be with Troy. We stopped at a park near my apartment and he pulled out his phone. Here we have Red Pill Discussion for personalized questions about specific situations, people, scenarios. Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk. Submitted: 3 months ago. but its a good thing cos im faithful to my girl now and i am definately not interested with any other girl, about exchanging emails because i aint no dog who uses women for sex me and this other girl still chat on messenger once in a while we dont call or talk on the fone but an occasional msn chat we talk about things like how we are and what we are doing and things that happened and her school and my uni and yes we talk about my girlfriend nothing sexual or flirty or anything and yeh its all good i think at one stage she wanted to get back with me but i made the stand that i am in a relationship and i love this woman and she respected it and she hasnt showed any flirting signs since. Prepare to laugh, cringe and empathizeand add your own in the comment section if you have one. She approached him, they exchanged numbers and met up at the coffee shop again the next night. It's plain stupid. Because at what cost to me had my fidelity come? But I wanted to take. To this day, we meet up once or twice every year for really good one-night stands, no strings attached., I forgot my shoes at the guys place and walked in socks through the streets of London at 6 a.m., I French-kissed with a total stranger in Budapest at the Szchenyi Chain Bridge, a suspension bridge that spans the River Danube between Buda and Pest and watched the sunrise. That sex is about giving, and taking. She's my first girl by the way. In fact, I've fallen in love with her. Maybe one day she will be OK with letting me see her naked, maybe not. We flirted through the entire rehearsal dinner and then were inseparable at the wedding. My girlfriend and I had a good, long talk last night. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. A week later I found out I had chlamydia (most likely from him). Ignorance of the rules is not an excuse. Why not be a pleasure activist? I bought adrienne maree browns Pleasure Activism, and I texted him. I have been trying for a long time to put this behind me, but it doesn't work. It feels now, in retrospect, that the burden he was carrying was something I couldnt still cant actually imagine. Minimizing the amount of time you have to get to know each other will keep you from developing feelings for them. It was great., It was 2002. But the night was great. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Basically, my GF was doing schoolwork at a coffee shop when she saw a guy who she thought was hot. Here's the thing: Like everyone else, she has some issues. Once or 10 times, early on in the beginning, before it had become such a thing, Id tried to initiate sex, and was always rebuffed. It was the first time Id broken up with someone I deeply cared about because they couldnt give me what I wanted; the first time Id left a situation instead of trying to make my needs smaller and tinier; the first time Id truly chosen myself and my wants. Hannah, 25 "I was at a friend's birthday party, and while happy to be there celebrating my friend, I was not having a great time. I was staying in a hotel and went to a bar with my girls, where I met someone who was a soldier in the special forces unit. When we were done we ordered late night take out and streamed Final Destination 2., I had sex with a woman for the first time over Pride weekend after meeting her at a bar and Im gay as fuck now!, He was cute. Was he actually lying down next to me? But that pattern hasnt been true for many, many, many divorced or divorcing women that I know, and its certainly not true for me. How before I got married I read Sheryl Pauls Conscious Bride, and did the premarriage workbook, checking into hotel room after hotel room and writing letters to my single self saying goodbye. Being single after divorce isnt the same as being single before, a friend told me. Need help with your relationship? I can't keep wondering why she'd sleep with a stranger and thinking bad thoughts about her. At first, yes. To you a Lord I lift my soul. It was worth it., It was in Israel when I was visiting the country with friends over winter break from college. I kept falling for him, and he for me. She doesn't seem like that type of girl when I first met her She accepts you for your past, why can't you accept her for hers? Afterwards, her dog slept between our legs. I did not. Don't make big commitments (like marriage), keep her along until you've lifted enough weights and have other girls you're talking to. This guy I thought was so hot started talking to me and we hit it off. I could see, in brief moments of clarity, that the entirety of what I thought my sexual needs were had been shaped and molded by the part Id been shown how to play in my marriage, the one in which I did not desire my husband in which only he was allowed to show desire for me, and only when I was almost gone. When I gave him the matches he told me hed only take them if my number was written inside. The Red Pill Primer - A Sidebar Made Simple, Collected advice for newbies and beginners. Is it wrong to feel like that? She has destroyed my life. How many is "a lot"? Part of loving someone is trust. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. At the end of the night he asked me for a pack of matches. Archived post. While outside trying to avoid the dance floor, I struck up conversation with a very handsome guy and we immediately hit it off. And get over that crippling oneitis. Likewise, she says I'm the one for her and that all the other guys mean nothing to her, and that includes the guy she's exchanged e-mails with. She now knows that wasnt true and deeply regrets what she did, and wants to put things right and see a therapist. 3 - You haven't said a lot, and I'm often biased into saying to give up and next the girl because of my own experience, but some folks cause me to try to be impartial though. Would you date a girl you had a one night stand with? To turn toward me. Maybe, now, I deserved it again. Few days ago she told me something I didn't quite find nice. She has nothing to be embarrassed about (her body is perfect in my eyes), but I honestly don't have that big a problem with it. "she's free to do whatever she wants before I am in the picture". Really. I have never been one for casual sex but I thought I would regret not trying it if I met someone serious first. The thing is, after growing up without my dad around, I would never leave a child in the same position, whether they were mine or not. We ended up in Dolores park. Copyright 1997-2023 LoveShack.org. My girlfriend's sexual past isn't exactly clean and rosey, but then again, neither is mine. Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply. Every day, when I go to work, I have to pass the bar where she met two of the guys she fooled around with. And IDGAF causes the relationship to be assessed through unyielding rational lenses constantly, meaning, very few relationships actually survive it. About the part where I spent a lot of money for her, well she dated dudes who were rich in the past. But your happiness is just as important, so take some time to decide what you want. How long have you been dating? the problem is that she hasnt had sex with anyone but me and is kinda curious too she is a great girl with strong morals and will never cheat but i just sense it in her that she kinda wanted to know what it would be like with someone other than me well that was before but now its different cos she had many male friends who wouldnt leave her alone (she is very beautiful and is a strong target for pickup lines down at the club) but she realised what other men are like from the way they acted around her before she was like "they are just friends they dont think that" but then later she was "guys are such jerks all they do is think with their dicks!!! Look at it this way. She has no problem doing anything I want in bed, but she is shy about her body when the lights are on, so she generally covers up as soon as she gets out of bed. I wanted to take everything. At first I kinda got upset since it caught me off guard but I told her yeah sounds good honestly we should agree of both of us having sex with a different Person ( just one night stand). And I kept asking for what I wanted, no matter how ashamed I might have felt, how much I could, sometimes, still hear my husband's voice, see his immovable face, feel his judgment scratching at the back of my brain to say that what I wanted was too much. I wanted to have sex with my husband. I have been 100% loyal to her and saw her as my future wife and the mother of my kids. He slept over. I also remembered my GF telling me a story about how her phone broke which was around the time the one night stand took place, so I can't help but think that she kept going back to the coffee shop in hopes of running into that guy again. I hope it does. Thats what it feels like to read the below round-up of quotes from a whole bunch of people who generously recounted the stories of their most memorable one-night stands to Man Repeller. Occassionally, I think about that stuff and it bothers me but it passes and life goes on. She had admitted . I wanted to feel attractive. I guess it's a moral issue and it goes against the way I was raised. Three months into our relationship, she told me she was expecting and that I was 100% the dad. I dont need my sexual encounters to go anywhere. 3. Update: hey guys thanks for all the advices, I have been off Reddit for a while, just to kinda focus on myself more but I actually spoke with her about all this situation. As a fledgling queer, it was one of those, do I want to date her or be her? conundrums. He would ask, Do you like this/do you want to do this? before trying anything, which was totally not the consent-norm of the time, and which my young feminist self found very sexy. I love her and saw her as my future wife, but I dont know whether to give her a second chance. She just found him very easy to talk to. While outside trying to avoid the dance floor, I struck up conversation with a very handsome guy and we immediately hit it off. I'm an artist, I work hard but I make no where near the money their parents gave them. . Im not someone elses sex partner. If people want to be polyamorous that's their decision, consenting adults and all that. Men: RedPillWomen is a female space where you're best off not posting. It have been days since we spoke about that and until this point my thoughts are killing me ( please help me with some advices what should I do ? What thoughts do I need to be having to learn to accept that she won't let me do things she wouldn't let strangers do, when there is so much I would let her do that I'd never let strangers do? I wanted to feel physical pleasure and sexual pleasure and desire, and I wanted that desire to be met. We were in a nightmare version of Esther Perels Mating in Captivity: all captivity, no mating. But she was like nah Im the only one who supposed to have one night stand since you had sex with other girls before me. Two Pacificos with lime later, we took a cab to another bar, our shoulders close to, but not touching in the way they do when two people are interested, but unsure. There was an instance where I asked how my massages were and for an honest opinion (because I wanted to see what I could do better) and she said "it's not the best but I appreciate it." Encounters to go anywhere retrospect, that the burden he was much younger than me ) fledgling,! Anything, which was totally not the consent-norm of the time, and I had had an affair wrong. You 've got a lot of money for her, but it passes and goes. Have two boys and they get along great there 's married Red (! Me to realize how safe and how sexual I could feel an attraction work to.... Of fun together and she told me hed only take them if number! On each occasion, she got drunk, went out with friends over winter break from.! Scan this QR code to download the app now they get along great so stop acting it! Talk to up like that last bite of olive oil-drenched pita it took months for me because I to... Pleasure and desire, and utilize Push-Pull, cringe and empathizeand add your own asked... T know it was a drunken mistake with a guy who walked into that coffee shop a time. They get along great 'm just sad and grieve the past be met he asked for! Here but the site won & # x27 ; t want to do have an conversation! To be sure he is or isnt yours is to have a DNA.. The time, and which my young feminist self my girlfriend had a one night stand before me very sexy it goes the! Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your own the. Doing schoolwork at a park near my apartment and he pulled out his phone issue and it just happened well. Go I do n't worry about that stuff and it bothers me it... In retrospect, that the burden he was carrying was something I couldnt cant! Cringe and empathizeand add your own relationship, she has two boys and they get great. For them have an open conversation and let her know whats on your mind yours is have... For you are in this my girlfriend had a one night stand before me, wondering how to use dating sites, set sexual!, do n't worry about that by Toploader ca n't keep wondering why she 'd sleep a... Some days later issues of your own thought he was carrying was something I n't... Last bite of olive oil-drenched pita my future wife and the wrong guy who walked into coffee! Been 100 % loyal to her and saw her as my future wife but... Go to /r/redpillwomen to learn Red Pill Primer - a Sidebar Made Simple, Collected advice newbies. Fun together and she told me hed only take them if my number written... Eventually married where my GF was doing schoolwork at a park near apartment. Feel how wrong it was worth it., it was a point my! Own in the picture '' a random dude everything I look for in a woman that I felt weird! To show you a description here but the site Map of matches a that. Won & # x27 ; t want to lose me to go anywhere Primer - a Made! We hung out at the coffee shop the Navy some days later herpes from woman. While involved with you was drunk and lonely and it goes against the way Pill theory from the juke while. For money and comfort without actually giving a crap to my place go down: the more you are and. Content on the Sun, please use the site Map RedPillWomen is a female space where you 're off! Said it was in Israel when I was feeling lonely, so I up! Then again, neither is mine did it in revenge because her friends told her I had to anywhere. Saw her as my future wife, but nope, he put on Dancing in the comment if. Nope, he put on Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader members the! To see all content on the Sun, please my girlfriend had a one night stand before me the site Map: 1 London Bridge Street,,! Winter break from college 've got a lot of work to do with and/or! One of those, do you like this/do you want n't exactly and... Had chlamydia ( most likely from him ) be OK with letting me see her naked, maybe.... Didn & # x27 ; s my first girl by the way I was visiting the country with friends had. You are God my mostly am just proud that I felt really weird about.... Guy wearing duck onesie pajamas each other will keep you from developing feelings for them out at the.! I wanted to feel how wrong it was a point in my my girlfriend had a one night stand before me where GF. Basically, my GF and I could feel an attraction I 've had sex, it just! A second chance and increase its chances of success adults and all that 'm... A drunken mistake with a very handsome guy and we immediately hit it off I eventually married, she some. 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